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I used to journal regularly, but I haven't in a very long time. I recently stumbled across a site which made me want to start again. Though I've only read three articles on the site so far, it's one I know I will be going back to on a regular basis. Illuminated Mind is a personal development site by a man with powerful writing and inspiring words. Sometimes things can go in one ear and out the other, but he can present a simple idea which you may already know (consciously or not) in a way that makes you stop to recognize it, focus on what it means to you, expand your thoughts regarding it, and become more conscious of it. He expounds on each statement, not just saying any old thing, but showing that he means it. Yeah, a lot of that "self-help" crap really is crap, but there's also a lot to learn from good sources. I believe this is an excellent source, and recommend the site to anyone looking into self-improvement (and to anyone not looking!).
I've struggled with emotional issues for much of my life. I've attempted suicide twice (8yrs+15yrs), and still (at 22yrs) contemplate it often. I'm convinced that the good doesn't (and won't) outweigh the bad, ever, and that life doesn't really get any better. I think the rampant evil and injustice in this world is impossible to overcome. Happiness tends to be so ephemeral for me, a short-lived tease before the swift plummet back to reality. I want to be content. I'd like to go two consecutive days without breaking down into tears. I crave peace.
When I was young, it was my environment which infected me. I endured traumas no child should ever experience, and I believe that's where my issues began. But the cause of my troubles now is often my own being, rather than some external source. My attitude, negative thinking, self-defeating tendencies... I know that it is what I choose to think and believe, and how I choose to react, that causes my depression, anger, bitterness, and self-hate. But being aware of it doesn't mean it's easy to change. I've been aware of these shortcomings for years. The truth is I've lacked the motivation and discipline to change. The desire is there, but without action.
I don't want to continue along this path. My goal is to take charge- of my life, of my self, of my mind. This journal is my first step. I know that in the past it was therapeutic for me. I hope that by starting here, I can build the courage to persevere.
I've struggled with emotional issues for much of my life. I've attempted suicide twice (8yrs+15yrs), and still (at 22yrs) contemplate it often. I'm convinced that the good doesn't (and won't) outweigh the bad, ever, and that life doesn't really get any better. I think the rampant evil and injustice in this world is impossible to overcome. Happiness tends to be so ephemeral for me, a short-lived tease before the swift plummet back to reality. I want to be content. I'd like to go two consecutive days without breaking down into tears. I crave peace.
When I was young, it was my environment which infected me. I endured traumas no child should ever experience, and I believe that's where my issues began. But the cause of my troubles now is often my own being, rather than some external source. My attitude, negative thinking, self-defeating tendencies... I know that it is what I choose to think and believe, and how I choose to react, that causes my depression, anger, bitterness, and self-hate. But being aware of it doesn't mean it's easy to change. I've been aware of these shortcomings for years. The truth is I've lacked the motivation and discipline to change. The desire is there, but without action.
I don't want to continue along this path. My goal is to take charge- of my life, of my self, of my mind. This journal is my first step. I know that in the past it was therapeutic for me. I hope that by starting here, I can build the courage to persevere.
